Reflections from An Expat:
Foreign Society ABCs — 10 Years in Stuttgart
(14 September 2022) The Hague, Netherlands — Stuttgart has been my and my family’s home since 2012. It is the only place my children know as home and a place where neither my wife nor I are from. Living in this land of irony, of orderly mayhem, and cultural incongruence has not exactly been easy. Yet, we were blessed many times with what can only be characterized as gemütlichzeiten. So, as we complete our move to a new country and culture this summer, we reflect positively on the time and place we called home for ten years. Departing Stuttgart, a place with friends near and dear to our heart, there can only be one truly appropriate way to summarize this experience — unending stairs with reasons to keep climbing.
It is important to note that living in Stuttgart, we were advantaged. First, my wife after five years of excellent German instruction finally found a highly tangible use for her learned language. Second, as a military expatriate we were afforded mild conveniences not every expat in Stuttgart can claim — grocery shopping on Sundays and access to American culture. It may be hard to imagine that in a urban area of over 4 million people, one cannot purchase a liter of milk or a half-loaf of bread on a Sunday or state holiday. Finally, I should not fail to mention that raising fourth culture children and living abroad still been challenging.
When we look at a place that we live but are not from, it is easy to observe life as if it is through a unique lens. But we shouldn’t lie to ourselves — it doesn’t exactly mean we are objective, informed, or considering the context around our observations. After ten years, some of those perspectives have solidified which is why I opted to address these last ten years through a framework of awareness, behavior, and culture (ABC). This will help explain some of the complexities observed in our short stint in Stuggi (as it is affectionately known).
1. Awareness: Land of Irony
Germany in general is the land of irony. You might be asking how Germany can be the land of irony with all of its efficiencies and engineered solutions. Well, that is a great place to start. Germany does use a great deal of technology, but when I first moved here you couldn’t buy a washing machine or dryer with a credit card. Yes. I had to withdraw over €1000 in cash to purchase my new laundering machines (delivered six weeks later). Shops and restaurants exist with zero online presence, hardly even captured in Google maps due to local privacy concerns. It is possible that some of the irony is related to a German value for privacy, which Americans have nearly lost.
In a land of rules, I present the autobahn and the German need for speed. The autobahns are famous for their unlimited speed limits which routinely have you being whizzed by at 100 mph (165 kph). Here’s the catch though: you can drive as fast as you want where there is not a large population center, construction, or traffic. In a country the size of Montana with population larger than a third the U.S. population (320 million+), there are limited stretches of road to really let it rip. It’s odd then for the strict honor code Germans live by, especially Swabians who are known to adhere, to find themselves as interesting characters in the land of irony. Mass transit — buses, streetcars, and trains do not use turnstiles or other sorts of mantraps to limit citizens from using services. The authorities, even society writ large, trust that you will purchase tickets appropriately, and if spot-checked display those tickets. So, one would assume no German would ride the train without adequate fare. Wrong! Those who dare to test the system are termed schwarzfahrer, a fare dodger. Pedestrian street crossings even present irony in this land. When crossing the street at a crosswalk, pedestrians are presented with two options — the green and red man. Crossing on a red man will get you heckled by locals and fined by Polezei — surely then no German would take this dishonorable decision. Wrong!
“Part of what inspires the soul is the illumination of that which is unknown.”
This irony can make life hard to grasp, especially with so many rules. Germany, after all, has a lot of rules. So how then does one get insights on what is normal, what rules to follow and how to apply exceptions to policy. Even in such basic societal foundations like meeting people, there are important societal methods or rules to understand. It turns out that can be very challenging. Germany is a relatively closed system (more on this later). Making friends is a game of patience and dynamic interactions that usually lead nowhere. Meeting new people is challenging, but making friends is almost impossible. But, beware, once you make a friend in Germany, that’s it. You’re stuck — for life. This makes the act of socializing even more challenging as an expat, maybe even a severe disadvantage. The bonds we formed with our German friends in turn means we have true friends for life, anywhere in the world. Irony and bonds are not exclusive — and we’ve been lucky to be stuck with so many fantastic friends.
Germany is a highly aware society. They mandate recycling, and most people comply with the complex system of bagging and binning various material. Germans are genuinely concerned about air quality, nature, animal rights even. Germans contemplate Russian aggression as well as their own hosting of U.S. military forces supporting military action from Baltics to South Africa. They consider the role of the E.U., and the extent to which trains and roads should be expanded. There is a careful approach to growth and an ever-growing desire to drive more endemic inclusion of ideas.
The awareness is remarkable. Which is why the lack of self-awareness brings us back to the land of irony. Sometimes confused for rudeness by novice Americans, German culture oddly does little in the way of self-reflection. It is easy to become offended when waiting to collect your thoughts at the bakery only to be ‘cut’ in line by the decisive German. The recycling gathered in the various bags and bins are all shipped separately to Italy and burned. Germany’s energy policy has green-lit Russian warmongering and done little in the almost decade long conflict in Ukraine to effectively isolate Putin. We’ve been lucky with friends and acquaintances here who are willing and even compelled to discuss what some might consider ugly issues about life in central Europe.
Much of that comes from one of the most profound aspects of German life oft overlooked. Germany routinely censors media, ultimately limiting the information society has from which to determine right and wrong, leaders for the future, and what best enables the average German’s future. As a truly socialist government, the freedom for average German citizens is technically less than that of an American. Oddly, in a truly ironic outcome, Germany is afforded much more responsibility. This means that people are treated like adults — younger drinking ages, large glass mugs (maß) at festivals and beer gardens, public drinking allowed, and harsh fines for taking part in the aforementioned irresponsibly. The irony of freedom versus responsibility, means Germany appears to be a lot freer on the surface.
2. Behavior: Orderly mayhem
Stuttgarters (more appropriately Schwäbians) are among Germans in their day-to-day behavior. That means there are a more than a handful of social “rules” to which one should adhere. Sometimes they make sense, and other times they really don’t. The land of irony will not escape this element of the German experience.
The Autobahn “zipper effect” is a fantastic example of a norm that is not a rule. Certainly, as with any behaviors, it works better in some places than in others. When two roads merge, especially on the Autobahn, German automobile pilots understand and practice the Reißverschlusssystem of alternating as two lanes merge. This means that roads can more effectively keep moving at major junctions (and at speed). There are many transit rules that make sense, but the emergency alley way or rettungsgasse is among the least obvious ones to Americans. The obligatory law requires motorists in a stau or traffic jam to pull to the outside of the lanes to form an emergency alley between lines of congested motor vehicles. It is odd, but it works, and it ensures clear paths to emergency scenarios even on a two-lane road.
Lines are an interesting behavioral aspect of life in Germany. Ski lines are NOT lines to state it bluntly. As an American with ample experience in orderly queues, I expect to find order in all facets of life in Germany, but ski lines prove that irony is strong in this land. In Germany, ski lines look from above as if they are milling groups of five and six into a funneled stream of fours at only the last minute before proceeding to position one’s self for the lift. Ski lines are a source of great anxiety for me even after a decade of trying to understand the logic. It turns out, through dialog with locals, that there are three types of lines in Germany and they are best illustrated through the experience at a grocery store.
Grocery stores have the basic line, the orderly queueing to check-out, that we enjoy in the U.S. There are no “ski lift lines” in the shop. But the third, and most bizarre line type in Germany is what I like to call the hybrid. It’s a grocery store queue, but it surprises the shop goers resulting in a first-come-first-served birthing. This occurs when a new lane opens up and traditional queues breakdown. From a behavioral aspect, this line type introduces the most ambiguity in German order that I have yet to experience. What’s important about grocery lines in Germany, is the preparedness and speed at which one is expected to execute check-out. As a former C&C bagger, I know how to line things up for an optimal bagging experience. In Germany, it’s rapid fire and random as the clerk scans and releases items for you to bag (in your own bags nonetheless). If you forgot your bags, you’ll need to know how many to purchase in advance, and this bagging must be done under the watchful eye of the next shopper, the clerk, and any other spectator that may join in. It can be pretty stressful but can be mitigated against with a few “woosahs” beforehand.
One method used to blow off steam is in exhibiting a remarkable “fest attitude” in another land-of-irony outcome. Many don the lederhosen and dirndl costumes to enjoy rides, games, music, food, and craft goods at multigenerational city fairs. What makes this semi-annual event ironic is the contrast between the Monday-to-Friday, 9–5 nature of life in Germany. It can appear almost idle, but in fest season the locals let loose. Whether it is singing a John Denver classic at the top of their lungs, rocking back-and-forth in ordered singsong, or dancing on the benches — times at fest demonstrate a remarkable side to German behavior. All peoples have unique ways they handle pressure and the stresses of everyday life, but Germans have cornered the market on family fun mixed with youthly wildness. It demonstrates that amidst the mayhem, order is present in all that German society has to offer.
“The answer to that question is that the question should be more frequently asked.”
3. Culture: Cultural incongruence
Culture is an interesting, highly subjective aspect to life. When we look at NEK culture, it is rather hard to put the diversity of people all into one cultural bucket. Many Kindgomers recognize that it takes a bit of grit to enjoy and survive throughout the seasons. There are parts of life in Germany, Stuttgart precisely, that can be hard to reconcile. There are some obvious reasons for this and other head-scratchers that have left me wondering why there isn’t more cultural exchange beyond high school.
German as a language is an interesting study, not as an applied aspect of higher learning, but as a product of the cultural significance. Most languages use far more descriptive syntax and vocabulary than laymen’s English. While not known as a beautiful language, German is a legophile’s dream come true as a truly modular language. German words such as Schnappsidee (Schnapps idea), Kopfkino (head cinema), and Ohrwurm (earworm) combine two ideas to form an uber-idea. These may seem like colloquialisms, but they are the network effect of German etymology. Other terms such as Gemütlich (with no direct, exact literal translation) demonstrate the complexity of an idea so familiar to Kingdomers — a combined sense of endless conversation, comforted by a mellow woodfire, and a sanctuary of being surrounded those close to us.
One of the hardest aspects of life in Stuggi was the absence of small talk. It’s not that I depend on these rather substance-free aspects of culture. Small talk can limit meaningful acquaintances which is a key element of the American social fabric. And in Germany small talk is hard to come by. The frankness is abrupt and can even be interpreted as abrasive. That may be a consequence of having lived in the small construct of Germany’s “biggest village.” As previously mentioned, Germany is largely a closed system, highly dependent upon its fraternal (Verein) components of Volksmarching, social cause volunteers, and sporting affinity groups. The most effective ways to form bonds is by aligning oneself to a single group, otherwise your belonging can be diluted and ultimately fail.
Maybe that lack of acceptance is because Stuttgart has forgotten how to host American expats. It’s not hard to imagine with a decades-long trend of shifting political spectrums that has forgotten about the reason for such a large contingent of Americans living in one place. It was easy to experience cultural amnesia when life changed from pre-9–11 open military base access, present anti-ballistic missile systems to bases surrounded by razor wire and lacking narrative for America’s large personnel requirements in Germany. It is easy to acknowledge how a lack of understanding meets a closed society with suspicion and an antagonized position towards Americans.
It can also be acknowledged that Americans share in this inability to truly understand the other’s culture. America has forgotten how to be hosted. We spend more time traveling away from Stuggi to nearby Austria, France, Switzerland, and the remaining central European nations. In some circles, interacting with Germans is rare — more akin to a deployment to the moon than to Germany. We miss on the countless opportunities to learn about the Bundestag and government that formed after U.S. Secretary of State James F. Byrnes announced a return to Germany’s rite to civil governance from the steps of the Staatstheater just over 75 years ago. This is a huge deal in German-American relations! We miss the bowling (kegeln) experiences in the community center that has Schnitzel on offer but is BYOB. There are many aspects of culture driving societal values that have a more contemporary meaning. Whether it is German or American neglect, disinterest, or disaffection is not at the heart of this cultural experience.
After ten years
Enjoying culture was introduced to me at a young age. It occurred to me as I departed a place I have lived nearly one quarter of my life that there was a deficit to the place I call home, the NEK. Part of what inspires the soul is the illumination of that which is unknown. There are lessons in each experience on this planet. Fellow classmates and countless LRUHS alumni have embarked upon the world as students of life. I am sure that they, as have I, find novel ways to learn from other perspectives rather than admiring only what we know. History has proven that by remaining inquisitive and responding vivaciously upon other’s interest our communities flourish. Friends and family often ask me what I would bring from America to Germany, or vice versa. The answer to that question is that the question should be more frequently asked.
We encounter riches when we consider a culture that inspires our imagination. It can be funny to witness another culture’s idiosyncrasies, and it can also feel insulting when others observe ours. The challenge is to free ourselves from thinking that tradition and growth are incongruent. What we learn from a heightened awareness, can infect our behavior positively, and profoundly strengthen our collective culture. It can imbue upon our friendships, children, and community a greater perspective on the fantastic world in which we live. It really is odd that humanity is all related. As my grandmother used to say: even families argue and disagree. And, like she also used to say — it’s a good thing we’re not all alike.
