8 Planets and 6 Oceans?
RIP Pluto
I have always been drawn to geography and concepts seeking to relate time and space. I’d developed a keen ability for land and even intangible mapping projects like influence, but I’ve always struggled with space a bit more than the rest. And, while I do possess basic knowledge of orbitology, keeping up with space dynamics has not been my forte, or so I thought.
I think it was in the early aughts when NASA’s shot rang round the world. You mightn’t have understood why the conclusion was made, but you could have been from Timbuktu, Mali and still known that Pluto had been relegated from the first league into what astronomers called the “dwarf planet” league.
This fact was new, I guess you’d say. I mean, all through school I learned of the nine planets in our solar system. Nine was the number, but we had heard murmurs of some additional newly identified planets. At the time, it was more marvelous for the potentiality of some new discovery of life and from my young mind — that meant aliens. In fact, as you will later understand, everybody in my generation that I have since spoke to concurred that nine was the number. We even all agreed on the names and order, and number nine was always Pluto.
The point is, a pub trivia answer had now been altered, and every possible response came from the “nah — there’s only eight now” school of logic. Younger generations have probably never contemplated this otherwise obvious given. I was satisfied to know the correct number, but now had apparently three other dwarf planets’ names to learn in addition to the growing stature of the main asteroid belt.
nah — there’s only eight now
Life Forever Changed
It was about a decade removed when this knowledge was reinvigorated. In 2010, I had recently hung up my military gear for a more “normal job” working at an agency with a bit of a motto issue. I had started to use things like umbrellas when it rained, and socialized with a diverse crowd that didn’t always include Patriots fans. As I sat on my couch during a routine Sunday Night Football game, the advertisements ensued in the midst of the closely contested game. Drinks needed refilling and dips needed topping up, but when I came back to resume my lock on the inner thoughts of the coordinators and coaches I had no idea that my life was about to be changed forever.
I must have sat down in the nick of time for the last add before the game resumed. I remember thinking, “oh great — here we go with another over the top Navy ad.” 🎝🎜🎜🎜🎝🎜 Music ensued and some ‘rah rah, awesome’ rounded out the commercial subtly ending with a phrase I will never forget: operating “on seven continents and five oceans.” On five oceans? Wait, what? When did we get a new ocean?
I recall really being taken aback at the notion that we had five oceans. I mean — the advert didn’t say five seas. I am not here to argue about seas. But a new ocean? When we lost Pluto, everybody knew it. Now we have a new ocean on my planet, and I didn’t know about it. This was cause for concern. The reality is that this grey fact could get me into serious bother at any number of pub bets, and I couldn't afford to have alternate information circulating about. This needed to be run to ground.
How many oceans do we have?
Reconciling a New Ocean…or Two
Luckily, I happened to work a the right place. This ‘new’ factoid could easily be dispelled in a matter of minutes. Right? As the dialog began, people could tell I was quite bothered about this quandary. I was well-positioned to run this to ground surrounded by experts from the U.S. Navy, NGA, U.S. Army, NOAA, and others. “How many oceans do we have?,” I said, expecting all humans to arrive at the same four I knew. “Four.” “Five.” “Seven.” “Six.” I actually received four unique, emotional and highly founded answers. Rapidly, we ruled out seven as it had been a transposed remnant from the “Seven Seas” and thus not a target of this particular discussion. As the big books of Oceanography and Navigation were pulled out (yes, people had giant books at their desks), websites were opened, a very boisterous dialog ensued. The answer: it depended on who defined ocean.
I learned four oceans: the Atlantic, Arctic, Pacific and Indian. My (now) wife learned five (adding the Antarctic or Southern ocean). This fifth stealthy ocean is apparently what the U.S. Navy used as their definition for the advertisement. But, interestingly at the time, NGA defined the oceans using NOAA’s definition as they had used some concept of circulation and oceanographic cycles splitting the oceans into North and South Atlantic, North and South Pacific, Indian and Arctic — yes, six oceans. NOAA now defines only one ocean which only further upsets this eager pub-betting man.
…only geographers have the will to better define something the world will forever take for granted.
International Standards are hosed
This got my mind running wild — maybe even a bit demented. I wasn’t asking for much — we all knew we had been reduced to only eight planets, but couldn’t agree to how many oceans we have on this planet!? In my quest for commonality I asked my (now) wife what I thought would be a simple question to clear this whole mess up: “how many continents are there?”
Because, I learned seven. That’s right, seven: North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia and Antarctica. Seriously — go google how many continents there are. I see anywhere between five and eight without any hard analysis. Dafuk?!
Apparently, some folks around the same globe on which you and I live learn five. There is some scientific reason that makes it Americana, Eurasia, Africa, Indo-Australia and Antarctica. But, there are others that learn six. I think you can imagine my frustration. I was never really ready to let go of Pluto, but we all agreed it was just not cool enough anymore. But, in my heart and my pub-betting mind, I always knew there were 4 oceans and 7 continents. And, it was hard to reconcile a single right answer. We needed geographers and scientists to help us not lose pub bets.
Oddly enough, as have told this story — often referred to as a rant — far more often than I’ve thought about it. As I write this, and in the era of fake news, disinformation and shitty maps — I can only think of one thing. Standards are the only way to solve this. We don’t need our kids losing pub bets or failing tests because they moved from Europe to the U.S. And, we don’t need to reevaluate how we teach and learn. We need to find common ground about basic information that we can all agree to — and this only muddies that desire. The only way to fix this series of nuances that I discovered by returning to my seat too soon, is to implement clearer, more definitive standards. And, we need to globally implement those standards.Only geographers will pick up this mantel -and only geographers have the will to better define something the world will forever take for granted.
this story (rant really) is dedicated to recently deceased Christopher Bascom — may God have mercy on his soul.
